And so it is just like you said it would be

i love him i love him i love him i love him

i love him i love him i love him i love him

i love him i love him i love him i love him

i love him i love him i love him i love him

                              !!!!
 

On top of that, Thursday my dad was rushed to the
emergency room with complaints of chest pains.
It turns out it may have been a mild heart attack.
Several tests are being run, and so far the only thing
they've found is that he has a condition called COPD.
Which is a condition that causes him to have extreme
difficulty breathing because of permanent damage
done to his lungs from 40 years of smoking...
and yet, he still continues to smoke, day in and day out.
...This could very likely become lung cancer, and I have
no idea how to convince him to stop smoking if the idea
of that doesn't scare him enough. . . I'm terrified by the
thought of losing my father at 60 years old. It is simply
too young to die...

Next, on my way to the airport on Saturday morning, I
got into a car accident. This lady was driving in the fast
lane and must have realized she had to get off the freeway,
so she zoomed into my lane, slammed into the front side of
the drivers side, which sent my car spinning around and
backward toward the oncoming traffic behind me. My
car stopped across 2 lanes, both of which had semi trucks
in them. One had to exit to avoid hitting me, and the other
slammed on his breaks, and stopped just in time to avoid
the hood of my car, by about 2 feet. I broke out into tears,
I had no idea what to do, or how I would turn my car around
into traffic going the right way because I had cars zooming
past me downhill at 80 miles an hour. Not to mention that the
lady who initially caused all this had left the scene completely
and I had no way to identify her. So, I've been in shock, having
a hard time behind the wheel of my car this last week. Luckily,
my car was not totaled... but of course I'm back in excruciating
pain from yet another car accident. This is 3 years in a row,
same time every year. Fuck my life.

When I got to the airport, my key was jammed in my ignition,
so that's another issue I have to deal with.

And as usual, money will be an issue for my remaining
years of college, and probably the years to follow.

As of a few days ago, my dad and step-mom decided
they may be getting a divorce. I'm very, very unhappy
to hear this because I love her dearly and think it would
be a huge mistakes on both their parts. Not to mention,
I would have to find a new place to live, and being that
I found my job through her, I'd probably need to find
a new job.

Collectively, life blows right now. I have all of like 2 friends
here, one of which is my boyfriend and the other who I've
been friends with since I was 7. I'm lonely, depressed about
all of the above, and still trying to make it through 22 units of
classes each week and maintain a schedule of at least 30
hours a week at work. NOT COOL. I miss you guys in LA.
And I'm really hoping everything blows over soon, so I can
just be happy and relatively relaxed about life.

 

it's never beneficial to think of the way things might have been...or telling yourself that something was a waste of time.

all we have is here and now... but man, tonight and the last few days...all i can think about is how i could have changed everything with one little decision...and if i would be happier today because of it... but i guess i'll never know. and it is what it is.

 LIFE IS SO GOOD!!!!!!!

Except I miss my beautiful friends! I would love to get drunk and go to Disneyland...just like K-dawg.

I'm really going to hate being alone...but hey, for all the downs, there should be plenty of ups... this should be fun?

I read a quote somewhere on a sign today that said, "what is necessary is never a risk" or something like that...

Try to stay positive. Try to stay positive.

it never actually felt like christmas this year...not even for a second... 
i wish it wasn't just about the gifts and money... but to each his own
and i guess my family buys love with money and materials.

anyway, i think i've fallen off the face of the earth socially. again. 
i'm not even sure why. been busy with the family, had finals 
last week, etc. but now i'm trying to sort some things out.
focus on me. change me for the better. spend time doing
things that i love. fixing my financial issues so i can stop
stressing out. i guess thats selfish, but no one has seemed
to mind me being gone all that much. 

maybe i'll write some resolutions or something now...